Tag Archives: songwriting

The Power of Solitude

This time last year I had just returned from spending two weeks in London. It was the first and only time I have ever traveled by myself. London was a city I had always wanted to get to know, so when I saw a really cheap flight (shoutout to The Flight Deal!), I just bought the ticket. I got on that plane without the intention of meeting anyone in particular. I had no friends in London, just a few folks who were friends of friends. The prospect of traveling solo seemed freeing and centering, but after a week I found myself feeling just horribly lonely.  I felt disappointed by this onset of loneliness. I wanted to be ok by myself and feel content with my own company, but I was simply longing for someone to talk to and laugh with.

On the the 10th day of my trip I was at a real low point.  After going to the Victoria & Albert Museum, I was wandering around the neighborhood and entered a bookshop. I knew part of my loneliness was due to the lack of a good book, a necessary traveling companion. I picked up 3 books that day, one of which was “Letters to A Young Poet” by Ranier Maria Rilke. I sat in a coffee shop and began to read.

The next day, as I read more & more, I realized that on the day I felt most alone, the universe had led me to a piece of literature all about the importance of solitude. How it brings one closer to oneself. How love is impossible without knowledge of self, which can only come through solitude. How critical solitude is to an artist and her art.

The last 2 days of my trip, I began to savor my solitude, truly cherishing it as I knew it would soon be coming to an end. I felt blessed to get such a crucial insight and reminder as to how I can view my life and understand it, and how I can direct my energy and emotions. My last day in London I sat in Hyde Park in the sun, watching the swans float by and the people walking and interacting, and I felt the beauty of that moment and the power of my own spirit. I sat there, in solitude, and wrote a song that will be on my new album.

Here are some of the quotes that have truly stuck with me:

“The necessary thing is after all but this; solitude, great inner solitude. Going into oneself for hours meeting no one – this one must be able to attain.” 

“But your solitude will be a support and a home for you, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, and from it you will find all your paths.” 

“Keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer.” 

“Progress must come from deep within and cannot be forced or accelerated. Everything must be carried to term before it is born. To let every impression and the germ of every feeling come to completion inside, in the dark, in the unsayable, the unconscious, in what is unattainable to one’s own intellect, and to wait with deep humility and patience for the hour when a new clarity is delivered: that alone is to live as an artist, in the understanding and in one’s creative work.”

“And your doubts can become a good quality if you school them. They must grow to be knowledgeable, they must learn to be critical. As soon as they begin to spoil something for you ask them why a thing is ugly, demand hard evidence, test them, and you will perhaps find them at a loss and short of answer, or perhaps mutinous. But do not give in, request arguments, and act with this kind of attentiveness and consistency every single time, and the day will come when instead of being demolishers they will be among your best workers – perhaps the canniest of all those at work on the building of your life.”

― Rainer Maria Rilke, “Letters to a Young Poet”

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A photo from Day 11 in London

 

The realest thing I’ve written in awhile

Mad

He wrote,  “i miss you”
He wrote, “im sorry”
He’s afraid I’ll hate him
Doesn’t wanna be the monster
Just a human being who can’t admit mistakes

And maybe I’m the same
Can’t tell if I’m playing victim
Or if it’s really really still that red raw

But I’m still mad
I’m still mad
Still feel my forehead clinch when I think about it
Cause I’m still mad
I’m still mad
And I can’t seem to let it go
Even though I know
I’m better off without it.

Cause you don’t mean it
It’s all bullshit
And I won’t pretend that
I’m gonna accept it
Cause I’m so tired of being sweet
But I don’t wanna be petty

And maybe I’m the same
Telling lies to keep myself sane
So maybe I’m a coward just like you say

But I’m still mad
I’m still mad
Still feel my forehead clinch when I think about it
Cause I’m still mad
I’m still mad
And I can’t seem to let it go
Even though I know
I’m better off without it.

Maybe I’m living in a box of my own reality
Padded with every harsh word,
Maybe all my unkindness is lost on me
And when the fire stops rising in my chest
I’ll miss you
But I’m still mad.

Love Is A Growing Up

You say I want to own you
And truthfully I do.

But just a small piece
Something to hold onto

Cause we’ve been through a long year
And I feel like you owe me

And yes I know that’s wrong, and selfish & needy

I know that Love is about freedom
And understanding without ego

But I just want you to reciprocate
Cause I gave you a piece of me too

Maybe this whole thing is unhealthy and we both need to get free.

Jimmy said Love is a growing up,
Love is a growing up.

You say that you’re in love with me
But I don’t think you are

You just want m my approval
Want some balm on your scars

And maybe you deserve that
Cause I know I can be unkind

But I don’t need that responsibility
I don’t want you to be mine.

There was a time when I truly did
But you weren’t ready then

And now that you’ve come around
You feel you deserve something.

I’ll always love you, but this is unhealthy
And it’s time you let me be free.

Jimmy said Love is a growing up
Love is a growing up.

Let’s talk about the album…

Hey loves,

So I decided to record a video talking about each song on my EP: my inspiration for each song; who I worked with; what it was like in the studio; how each song makes me feel, etc.

Check out Part One:

I can’t wait for you to hear this album in its entirety. As you can tell, it’s been a labor of love for the past few years, and I’m finally ready for you all to hear these stories & melodies!

This video was recorded & edited by the wonderful Alethea Russell of One Honest Nation.
I’ll be posting Part Two next week!